Burton Funeral Homes and Crematory, 4 locations serving Erie, Pennsylvania- funerals, cremation, caskets, urns, preplanning

If you are reading this site then you have either gone through the loss of someone you love or are anticipating a loss.

None of us know how disconcerting death is until we experience it; nor do we know how resilient we can be in the face of it. Most folks just need to know if they are normal. They require a bit of education about their grief journey.

Grief Resources

LOST AND FOUND COLUMN
By Ruth Burton

Supporting YOU through loss

In this world, sorrow comes to all. Anything that we have we can loose. Anything we are attached to, we can be separated from. Anything we can love, can be taken away from us. This is a part of being human. But we can all learn to manage a loss.

What are some ways to manage our grief? Here are some tools to help us.

PROMOTE THE GRIEF WORK:
Face the crisis actively so as to realize the full reality of what has happened. By discussing with family and friends we can begin to accept the permanency of loss. Although it is painful, this pain is what activates the healing process.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS:
Begin during the acute phase to accept the sympathy of people. We need their warmth and support at critical moments and throughout the grief process. Do not be afraid to cry with them. Let them know that you appreciate their concern.

RECALL THE UNFORGETTABLE MEMORIES:
Sometimes bereaved individuals feel the solution to grief is to attempt to "forget". However, it is good to recall memories and recognize the wealth of the past.

SHARE YOUR FEELINGS WITH OTHERS:
Relate your problems and memories with someone who will listen. Do not hesitate to repeat these time and time again. Revealing your thoughts helps alleviate emotional pain.

ESTABLISH GOALS FOR YOURSELF:
Concentrating on serving others and developing new interests will relieve your loneliness and give new purpose to your life. Consider seeking further education, increasing your involvement in work and joining service and travel clubs as a way of adding new meaning to your life.

TAKE ONE STEP AT A TIME:
Take your time and take care of YOU.

Share your story of loss/survival with others. Please e-mail us at pjb@burtonfuneralhomes.com or send letters to: Ruth Burton, Box 707 Erie, Pa. 16501. For personal reply to letters, please enclose a self addressed stamped envelope.

LOST AND FOUND COLUMN
By Ruth Burton

Finding Self Through Loss

To Anyone who feels that Holidays are worse than Sundays

Dear Ruth,
There is an aching inside of me that intensifies each time I am reminded of turkeys, mistletoe and presents under the tree. I wish I could just go to bed and wake up with the holidays over! How can I get through them? I thought Sundays were unbearable, but the hurt I'm feeling anticipating Thanksgiving and Christmas can't be put into words. Sometimes I try to block out my loss as though it never existed. Other times I'm overwhelmed with guilt-what I should have done-been more loving, more caring. Memories. How painful it is to think of them.

Barely Surviving

Dear Fellow Survivor,

You are not alone. Join the others in your special place for you have lived to survive the loss. The pain that you are forced to bear is certainly brought home for the Holidays. No, of course going to bed, hoping to wake up January 1st to block out the memories is not the solution. You are too wise for that. For you know that at some point really hits, bringing with it the pain and the heartache you're feeling right now. You are a survivor experiencing normal, real loss, and seeking grief relief. But how? Where? When? Life is so short - celebrate what you have left - live in the here and now. Let this difficult time teach you to enjoy the life you have with those that are around you. Love them and let them love you. Reach out and take in. What a gift you will be giving. The greatest gifts given between you and your loved one can never be worn out, weathered, exchanged or returned. For you have a treasure of memories, and as priceless treasures of art become more valuable with Time so will your Holiday memories. Take the good memories you have and share them with others. Create new memories that are meaningful. Peace.

Ruth

Share your story of loss/survival with others. Please e-mail us at pjb@burtonfuneralhomes.com or send letters to: Ruth Burton, Box 707 Erie, Pa. 16501. For personal reply to letters, please enclose a self addressed stamped envelope.

Ruth H. Burton holds a Master's Degree in Counseling from Gannon University and has completed a three year post graduate program at the Gestalt Institute in Cleveland, Ohio. Ruth has attended many workshops on death education; has been active in training programs for Hospice volunteers: has conducted personal death awareness workshops for schools, hospitals and community groups and as a grief counselor developed an aftercare program.

Children's Program

We offer a program to families of children attending the services of a grandparent, parent, classmate, or other loved one who has died. Children need honest, simple explanations of the events they are experiencing during this time of life.

It is a sensitive, caring approach to explaining the funeral process through stories, pictures, discussion, peer support, crafts and a STAR (a Special Time to Always Remember) message.

Some major goals are to prepare children, 4 years old and up, for the visitation and funeral. Inform them of the various terminology and language they will be hearing. Provide creative ways to express feelings and emotions, to offer grief support by the leader as well as peer support in the group. Allow them to be actively involved in the final good-bye of a loved one.

For families served by Burton Funeral Homes, the program is presented just prior to public visitation at the funeral home. However, this program can be presented at any time surrounding a death. We have presented the program to schools when a member of a student's family dies and a large family who lost their family dog. We can offer this program to families in the Erie area, not served by Burton Funeral Homes, for a nominal charge.

What's A Funeral Anyway?

a Special Time to Always Remember
1997 Karen E. Nilsen, R.N.
www.thestarclass.com

Is a program offered to families of children attending the services of a grandparent, parent, classmate, or loved one who has died.

It is a sensitive, caring approach to explaining the funeral process through stories, pictures, discussion, peer support, a craft activity, and a STAR message.

For more information or to make arrangements for this class, please ask your Funeral Director for details.

"What a wonderful thing you are doing! This type of class for kids is so needed. We just didn't know what to say. We weren't even sure if we would have the children attend the funeral. We are so glad we did. God bless you."
-Mother of Brandon age 3 & Sarah age 8

GOALS & OBJECTIVES

To prepare children for the visitation and funeral process.

To familiarize children with the "language" of the funeral experience.

To provide the opportunity to view photos of the funeral "equipment" before experiencing these things first hand through a non-threatening medium.

To provide a creative outlet through a craft activity to express feelings and concerns about their loved one who has died.

To allow children an opportunity to express final thoughts or feelings to the deceased with a STAR message.

To facilitate a discussion of their observations and perceptions surrounding the death.

To offer grief support by the class facilitator as well as peer support within the group.

To provide private time for adult family members to view and make final preparations for the visitation.

To educate future generations on the benefits of a funeral service.

THE STAR CLASS

The days surrounding the death of a loved one can be a confusing and disorienting time for young children. Altered daily routines and unfamiliar sights and sounds can be difficult for them to cope with. Children need honest, simple explanations of the events they are experiencing with the adults around them.

The STAR class contains words and images that are not usually a part of everyday conversation for children or adults. Providing children with the opportunity to hear the words of the funeral process, to express feelings and concerns in a creative art activity, and to write a STAR message to their loved one who has died can give them a sense of power over this new experience and help allay fears about what the funeral is all about.

Many years from now a child may not remember specific details about the funeral they attended, but they will remember that it was a meaningful, non-threatening, loving experience and that they were actively involved in the final good-bye to the person who died.

It was:
A Special Time to Always Remember.

"Even though I can't talk to my grandma on the phone anymore, I can talk to her in my heart anytime."
-Alexi B. age 4

Grief Brochures

These brochures are available free of charge for your education and benefit through the business office at Burton Funeral Homes and Crematory, Inc. Just check the box to be sent a copy. They provide an introduction to the questions that you ache to have answered.

If you find them helpful, we want you to know that we have an extensive book and video library on all aspects of grief that is also available for your use. Brochures, books, and videos may be requested by calling our business office at 814-454-4551 or by stopping by at 602 West 10th Street, Erie, Pennsylvania. Visa, Mastercard or Deposit is required for book or video lending which will be refunded when the item is returned.

"Learning to Cope: The Road to Recovery"
(an OGR publication) is a general overview of how to cope with grief. Our most distributed brochure.
"Life After Loss"
( a Guidepost publication) is an inspirational series of essays on coping with grief, including authors, Catherine Marshall and Norman Vincent Peale.
"The Spiral of Grief"
by Diana McKendree, offers practical suggestions on how to respond to various types of grief.
"To Be A Friend"
(by OGR) gives good advice on how to help a friend who is grieving.

GRIEF
CHILDREN
"When Children Hurt" by Dr. Earl A. Grollman ( an NSM publication) is our favorite guide for parents as they search to help their own children with grief.
HOLIDAYS
"Coping With the Holidays: the Road to Recovery" (by OGR) offers comfort and guidance as a grieving individual or family faces the holidays with trepidation.
SUICIDE
"Grief After Suicide" ( by NSM) addresses the subjects and issues no one else will talk about.
FUNERAL PLANNING
"What is a Funeral For?" ( from NSM) explains the rational for the last ceremony of a well-lived life. "How Important are Funerals?" (OGR) explores the Christian reasons for funerals. "Reflections: on the Body, Cremation, and Catholic Funeral Rites" (US Catholic Conference) outlines the Catholic Church's position on all aspects of the funeral service. "Toward Tomorrow" (by NSM) is a guide for putting an estate in order before a death or after the funeral. "For the One Who Cares" is a brochure depicting monuments for the cemetery grave, produced by Ericson Memorial Studios, in Erie, PA.
CREMATION
"Cremation: a Personal Choice" ( by OGR) gives the history of cremation and the modern options available for this increasingly popular form of disposition. "Whispering Pines Cremation Garden" brochure depicts the beautiful setting available at the intersection of Norcross and Koehler Roads in Erie, Pennsylvania.
PREARRANGEMENTS
"A Funeral Guide and Statistical Information Register" is available for recording your family names and personal history for use in funeral papers and arrangements. A real gift to leave those you love who survive you.
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City, State, ZIP
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